Support4Change Blog

February 14, 2007

Category: Strengthening Friendship and Relationships

By Arlene Harder, MA, MFT
 

My Valentine’s gift to my husband will be a fresh batch of caramel brownies without nuts because he doesn’t care for nuts in his brownies, cookies, cake or ice cream. Since I think you should have nuts in everything, this is a good example of the compromises that have helped us stay together for forty-seven years. And because he doesn’t need an expensive Valentine’s card to know I love him, I’ll cut a heart out of red paper and that will do for my be-my-Valentine card.

Over the years I’ve noticed that many people on Valentine’s Day get caught up in the belief that receiving one particular gift means you are loved more than you would be if you got another gift. And as Noel Coward once said, “Don’t give unto others what you would have them give unto you. They may not have the same taste.”

Not only do we all speak a different love language, we do well to remember that it’s not the gift we give or receive on one specific day that proves we love or are loved. It’s how we express our love in small, and sometimes more significant, gestures the other 364 days of the year.

Therefore, recognizing that giving and receiving love is a full-time job, I’m glad to recommend a special love and romance book—and/or newsletter—by a husband-and-wife team of love and marriage specialists, Judith Sherven, PhD and James Sniechowski, PhD. Their book, Opening to Love 365 Days a Year, contains a daily brief meditation, one-sentence affirmation, and quotation. 

Go to Amazon.com and take a look at all the five-star reviews the book has received. Then buy the book to get valuable perspectives on how you can keep love and romance in your life every day. Or, if you’d like to get an e-reminder of these same pieces of love tips, for free, go to their website and sign up for their daily newsletter. Each day you’ll get the same great advice, but in an every-day form.

Learn how to give the gift that keeps on showing your love long after Valentine’s Day.

On another topic, starting today I’m planning to include my morning gratitude statements here in the main journal each day (except when other commitments keep me away from the computer), even though I will sometimes have other ideas to share as well. This way you can follow my gratitude prayers more easily, although you can always look at a complete list of all the things for which I give thanks in the full Gratitude in the Morning section.

Here then is my gratitude for today:

I give thanks for life.

I give thanks for whoever designed the blood pressure cuff, so that I can know every day if I need to take medicine for my blood pressure.

I give thanks for the training and skill of pilots.

This last thanks arises from my trip back from Eureka through San Francisco on Monday. Right as we took off the man ahead of me shouted that a smaller commuter plane had taken off right under us and 200 feet to the right! I hadn’t noticed, but he apparently knew a lot about the airline and even knew the name of the pilot, Chris. All I noticed is that, while most planes speed up after take-off, our plane definitely slowed down. Then, as the plane banked left, making a wide circle over the bay, the pilot calmly said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, we’ve been given permission to give you a tour of the bay.” Then he proceeded to describe points of interest. That’s never happened before. So when I say I am thankful for skillful pilots, I mean it. Don’t know if the other plane took off without permission or if the control tower made a mistake, but I’m sure glad someone knew how to put distance between the planes.

Hope you have a lovely Valentine’s Day and that you continue to show your love 365 days a year.